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Old 06-21-2010, 10:32 PM
Irena Irena is offline
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 19
Default impossible (short-term) living situation, and the headaches it brings

Hey all... it's been a long time since I posted here, but I just need somewhere safe to vent about my current challenging situation. Maybe somebody has some words of wisdom or encouragement for me.

In brief: Ian and I have been together for five months. It's my first poly relationship, though he's been poly for years. It's been going really well and overall I'm happy.

Enter Athena. Athena is this beautiful, brilliant woman he met almost a year ago (well before he met me) and fell for instantly. They've had an off and on friendship; there's an intense mutual attraction, but she's afraid to get involved with him (both because she's unsure about whether she could handle polyamory and because she's got some fears and hangups around sexuality.) I've known about her as long as I've been with Ian, and always hoped she and I could meet sometime so that maybe I could reassure some of her worries (I've been where she is, emotionally. She's also a number of years younger than both of us.)

About two weeks ago, she abruptly had to leave the house she'd been living in. She already had plans to move in with a friend at the beginning of July, but she was stuck with three weeks of nowhere to go. So she's been staying at Ian's place temporarily. While he's delighted to have her, it puts a lot of strain on all three of us, for different reasons. And yesterday I was just about done.

Mostly, I just miss having him to myself on a regular basis. There have only been a couple of times since she moved in that he and I could be alone together, and even then we've spent a large part of our time talking over the relationship dynamic between the two of them (which is very up-and-down and dramatic.) I didn't mind this for a while -- one of the things I enjoy about polyamory is being up close and personal with love affairs that don't directly involve me -- but I'm beginning to feel starved for some quality "me" time.

Then, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around her. I'd like her to come around and decide to officially date him, but she's so full of anxieties and insecurities that I'm constantly afraid of saying something that will push her away. I like her a lot, but I'm becoming exhausted with having to be so careful.

I knew these three weeks were going to be tough, and that it was probably a terrible idea, but she really didn't have any other options. So now I'm just struggling to get through the next nine days or so until she can move into her own place. I'm going to talk with Ian tonight about how I've been feeling, and that will help, but I'm still expecting it'll be tough going for the rest of her stay. Any insightful or uplifting words y'all can throw my way would be most welcome.
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