Oh. I'm so sorry, I'm very new to this, and I'm probably not being very coherent. He isn't physically screwing around. Yet, at any rate.
There have been numerous times in our marriage when he's formed 'relationships' that were based on phonecalls/online chatting/webcamming in an explicit way - each time, before he physically 'went through' with meeting up, I realised what was being planned, or he came clean and told me what he had the opportunity to do, but WOULDN'T do because he didn't want to hurt me. And now he's trying to be 'honest' and 'open' with me about his needs and wants.
I mean by "pretending" he's mono, he's now saying he's willing to go along and pretend and act like he's happy and content and satisfied with being in a traditional 'couple' married relationship with me, so everyone on the outside knows nothing about how unhappy he is having to 'settle' with just being monogamous with one person (me).
This 'poly' revelation is recent, and I'm still trying to understand it myself- but from where we are now, he knows full well that I'm definately completely monogamy-orientated myself, and his way of being 'kind' with this is to suggest that he'll go along with that charade if that's what it takes to keep me?
I never wanted to be his Primary. I wanted to be his Only.
Hell, that's the reason I married him, I believed I was his Everything.
The problem with that, of course, is that I now know I'm not enough for him. I guess part of me knew that 2 years into the marriage, but he swore blind I was his everything and he never wanted anyone else but me, he couldn't live with out me... and I believed him.
I know full well I'm in a ridiculous position now.
I also know I have myself to blame for believing him, and assuming that just because I was totally committed to our vows ("and forsaking all others keep thee only unto him/her") that he would be too.