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Old 06-21-2010, 08:19 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,448

General inquiry: What about the difference between "we need a break" vs "I need a break."

In Ariakas' case, it sounded like each of you needed your own breaks from many aspects of life, not just each other. She needed to go home and be away from everything day-to-day. You need to withdraw and be with just yourself when you figure things out. That strikes me as different from "the couple" taking a break "from each other" and still carrying-on their usual day-to-day lives.

I've never taken a break in any relationship. To me, the phrase "We need a break" sounds like code for "I want to break up with you, but I'm too chicken-shit to just rip off the bandage, so I'll drag it out, pull away gradually, and hope that you eventually stop calling." If I'm in a relationship that has problems and we want to stay in the relationship, we solve the problems.

It's also a danger sign, to me, that you were effectively kicked out over one fight. Usually reactions that dramatic are because of something that's been building, not something that happened just once. Regardless, taking a break won't solve any of the problems you're having. Your problems are centered around a mutual failure to communicate and share your respective needs and boundaries.

She wants a monogamous relationship, he doesn't want you to contact her, and she doesn't really know you exist in the context of being a serious girlfriend.

My gut says he's playing her and wants you out of the way. If you "take a break" then he can tell her you "broke-up" and that he's single and available.

.....I could be reading too much into it all, but something here stinks and I don't know enough to put my finger on it.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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