I will answer with a story.
My mum was telling me tonight about the minister of her church. Apparently this woman, who has a very sick husband (thought to be on his death bed, yet he is hanging on) and a thriving ministry had an affair with a man in the choir who is seeing impaired. His impairment was enough that he had a guide dog and needed much assistance by his wife to do things.
When the affair was discovered the minister had to leave her church and left her husband and the man and his wife began sorting out the emotional mess that had occurred.
This was about a year ago. Since then the man the minister has had an affair with has died of a cancer that spreads and kills quickly. Before his death he had made sure that the minister was not going to be at the funeral and would not come near his wife as they had fully reconciled and she had been stalking him.
Now the minister is at a different church and apparently has collapsed emotionally. The church is "looking after her" according to my mum and the wife of the man that has died is managing to find her legs again and seems to be sad yet relieved to have a future to look forward to.
When my mum told me this story I was disturbed. I sat with it for a bit, while I cut up veg for supper and eventually could not help saying (mustering up as much *calm* as I could), "well you know, it's a shame that the minister had no chance to say goodbye to her love. She and the wife both had men to look after and could of been of help to one another. It's too bad the minister had to leave the church and be taken away from all she had worked on. It's too bad that she was made to felt ashamed for loving more than one. Why couldn't they all of worked towards more love, more support, more family, rather than everyone being miserable, ashamed, deceived and left hurt and damaged because of them finding love in one another. Love is meant to be celebrated and enjoyed. But instead, as it seems to be with mainstream culture, it is curbed towards one person in one circumstance and in such a way as to covet and keep from everyone else."
My mum expressed that their needs to be rules to follow in the church. she sets an example that others follow. I just mumbled something under my breath like that that was the whole problem.... I made sure she didn't hear me, she subscribes to that point of view but was vaguely supportive in her tone that she thinks that beyond that, what I was saying was true. I need to nurture that by letting her figure it out on her own and wait for her to observe and see for herself that poly works.
I just can't imagine why anyone would want to stifle the one thing that makes us whole and one with each other. What ever form love takes, it has a right to go where it will and be enjoyed as it is. That is why I am poly... besides the fact that I was born this way.
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM