Sounds like it's time to apply some serious communicatin'--Andulvar's overprotectiveness may be aimed at protecting *him* instead of her. I'd speak with the two of of them together and figure out why he keeps trying to speak for her instead of letting her speak for herself. I'm hallucinating that if he's trying to "protect" her from simply speaking about possibilites, it has nothing to do with her and everything to do with him.
As I said, that's my hallucination. The only way to find out what's happening there is to actually sit down and hash it out.
At the same time, exploring Selene's reticence would also prove useful. I take a lot of time to think about many things and decide on a course of action, so I can understand that to some extent. When there are several other people involved who are waiting on me to figure something out, though, that's reason to accelerate the process and find out exactly what's causing my hesitation. There are issues there that should be openly addressed.
With five people involved from the outset, it's really important to get in the habit of expressing concerns openly. Too damn many people for folks to hold onto issues in the hopes that those will work out later and so forth--just spill it and deal with it.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.
While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.