Ceoli, I see your point and no feathers were ruffled. I do understand what you say and could have understood something like that and honored her feelings had she ever said any of the things you said but alas she did not. What she wanted was more and more one on one time with each of us and less time with us as a whole. When we first started the relationship we told her what it was we were looking for (the equal triad and a life partner) and she told us that was what she wanted too but as time went on her whole attitude on the relationship changed and instead of a family she wanted someone to spend the nights with her and she wanted to dictate which one it was, if either of us declined, for whatever reason, she would get upset and say we didn't care for her. When we approached her with the moving in idea at first it was "when my lease runs out on my house" then it went to "I'm going to reup my lease because I don't want to have to explain to my mom our relationship" then it went to "I've decided to stay here because you've been together 16 yrs and I could never fit in as a family" even after all we did to make her feel like an intricate part of our lives.
There is no life without freedom, the freedom to be who and what you are.