Originally Posted by Lost421
On the plus side I think my wife and I have a much deeper emotional connection because we have had to deal with the hard stuff, the tough decisions, and all the mundane bits of life that get in the way of just having fun.
I think this is an important point.
It's easy to love someone when you have no responsibilities together.
When a couple has to deal with each other's shit, knows how bad it smells, and still chooses to love each other and work on the relationship, that's when you know you really have something valuable.
So maybe it would be helpful for those of you whose husbands have other, carefree relationships, to remember that even though it's no fun to do the dirty work, you're the one he's spending his life with, putting up with your shit (because you know you have it too), and coming home to at the end of it all.
Originally Posted by Ariakas
Some relationships naturally suit a prescribed secondary model. Flirty, fun, almost like a mini vacation. Not everyone's secondary relationship is that relaxed, as everyone builds their relationships differently.
Mono people obviously don't call their relationships primary and secondary, they just have "relationships." Yet, some mono relationships are more committed, with shared responsibilities such as children, finances, household responsibilities. Other mono relationships are more casual, just fun and partying.
Then you bring these same relationship styles into a poly context, and they acquire these distinctions as "secondary" and "primary." But I suspect that these are just formalisms of something that already happens in mono relationships.