Sorry there should be a nice little quote here but I can't figure out how to quote just part of a post so I'll have to paraphrase. Lost's wife expressed her feelings about the domestics and they were able to figure out a way to make it better.
That is exactly how this expressing thing can work positively. I call it "baby steps", it's like all this emotion comes up and swirls around but when it settles down if you can pin point the specific issue which is upsetting you then you can figure out one practical little baby step that can move you to a whole new place.
After two years of dealing with our situation I can now see positives. One of them is having W in my life as well as in Z's. Z does not do male friendships well. When I met him he literally had a harem of girlfriends (some sexual some not) that were all meeting different needs. I suppose what happened was I was able to meet 80% of his needs so most of the others fell away, but he still needs W for the other 20%. She is pretty much his only real, deep quality friend, she is an amazing person and very respectful of my relationship with Z, as I try to be of her relationship with him. I think our relationship would be less rich without her. Maybe our whole relationship would be missing dessert.
Another positive is connecting with this forum. Because of my personal blog I participate in marriage forums but the quality of discussion and the emotional intelligence which generally exists in this forum far exceeds anything I have found anywhere else. I think to be successful in poly (in whatever capacity) pushes us all to become the very best that we can be in relationship. So I would like to give a big thumbs up to all of us and a thank you to whoever is responsible for setting up and sustaining this forum.