View Single Post
Old 06-18-2010, 05:05 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

I'm fairly convinced now that in truth he's NOT polyamorous. One thing he doesn't do is think about doing things with others when he's away from me. He very rarely watches porn and he doesn't like to "set up" things like online hook ups, even together. He wants the spontanaeity to be real and to let things just flow. He also said he would prefer, and find it hotter to do things with me involved as long as I'm into it and not hurt and jealous by it because then it would ruin the mood anyway.
That doesn't make him not poly. That makes him like a certain rush of finding certain types of relationships. Different strokes for different folks. I am a searcher, online, in life, looking for connections. Other people are more apt to letting love fall in their laps.

Its just a different method.

The theme I seem to see among truly polyamorous people is a natural desire to share themselves with other people emotionally as well as sexually and this he's made quite clear is not what he's looking for.
Again, this is not wrong but it is generalizing. Not all poly people are like this. Not all poly people want to find connections, sexually or otherwise. Some are more apt to just remaining open and loving and letting things find their ways.

Not all poly people are love in's and pagan lovers
Not all poly people are communal living lovers

I was actually out the other day with a friend who is poly. She asked me more about me in regards to poly. Was I a pagan etc...well no I am a conservative by many stretches, communal loving kind of creeps me out etc. My wife is a hippy and communal loving suits how she grew up. etc...there are a lot of different flavours in the poly world

He once expressed while a little drunk the idea of a three way relationship appealing to a degree, but then as someone else commented the thought that came along with it about it being a buffer if one person leaves seems to be a little incongruent with satisfaction in one relationship as secure. I think it's more guarding against emotional hurt and loss. He is scared someone who loves him is going to fall out of it and leave. He's had bad experiences in the past. He finds it difficult to even talk about them.
Thats kind of sad. Being poly as a protectorate wall...unfortunately it will never help the hurt. My ex and I broke up and I still had to mourn that loss, even though my wife was there by my side

Best of luck with your continued journey. One thing I have learned since starting this is to avoid having expectations. If you begin to expect something based on what you are seeing, you may end up disappointed.

Reply With Quote