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Old 06-17-2010, 09:02 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
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Originally Posted by Scaredofcasual View Post
I hope I can. But how do you move past the feeling of being "not enough" if someone else has to fill that need for them to be satisfied? How do you reconcile being the most important thing in their life with a conditional "a priority" of importance?
I think the issue is you're taking "not enough" to be a defect in yourself, rather than a quality of his. You're "not enough" but neither would any other one person be. You're as "close to enough" as he could possibly get from just one person.

Analogy: I really love chocolate cake. But I couldn't live on chocolate cake alone. Does that mean chocolate cake is defective? Of course not! It just means that my body requires other things not found in any single food, no matter how amazing and wonderful that food is. Now, pandas can live on bamboo leaves alone. That doesn't mean bamboo is a nutritionally complete food for most critters, it means that pandas have adapted an ability to live on one single food source.

In the analogy, you are to your boyfriend as chocolate cake is to me, and your boyfriend is to you as bamboo is to the panda

Originally Posted by Scaredofcasual View Post
He seems to think this is a common or reasonable way to think, but I can't even wrap my head around it. What kind of love relationships begin in the world without sex being the driving force between them?
My marriage is that kind of love relationship that did not begin with sex as the driving force.

When my husband and I started dating, we knew right away that we had a very special emotional, almost spiritual connection. We made a point of delaying intercourse specifically because we didn't want ours to be like every other relationship we'd ever had, where it starts with sex and you never really know if that's all you really have in connection or whether there's something more.

We have amazing sex, but we don't have it that often. We prefer other forms of passionate intimacy, especially Tantra. Our connection began and continues to be more energy-based than sex-based. And I wouldn't want it any other way!

I think the words "common and reasonable" are meaningless when it comes to love and sex. Every relationship is different. Reason is irrelevant -- love is irrational.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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