MG yes I know but....
I don't think it is possible to understand how a mono primary really feels unless you are one. That's why i think I felt sad over a post of Kat Tails.
We do work very hard at the poly life and at our relationships. I was reading an article posted recently about jealousy and what came up for me is that Z and his secondary J get to have a kind of fantasy relationship while I get the reality of him and his life which is not always so pretty. I know I also get the privilege of sleeping with him most nights and building a life with him and I would in no way want to swap.
When they are together I feel excluded (article says to follow the jealously to a more specific feeling). But the more interesting feeling is that I have given my whole life to be with him and had to work really hard to make it happen. We have a small house and I get to have his kids taking it over every other weekend and school holidays (mine are grown up), I get his computer gear spilling over everything and his grumpiness at seemingly trivial things that I do. Just venting here, I still love him to bits, obviously or else I wouldn't be putting myself through all this. And he is generally the most loving and wonderful partner I have ever had.
J on this other hand gets none of the hard stuff, she lives on her own, on a resort style island, doesn't have to work regularly and gets to sunbathe nude on her local beach most days with the exception of winter. He goes there to be bathe in her serenity, so he isn't grumpy, he doesn't take his kids or his computer gear.
So what am I trying to say here? I suppose that I work hard everyday to keep our relationship in tip top condition. J does nothing and he still loves her. I know, I know you can't earn love but it's just one of the dynamics behind my jealousy.
I also think I have an issue with their form of 'love'. They only love a part of each other because that is all they know of each other and yet he speaks a great deal about loving her. How much of someone do you have to really know and understand before you are really loving them and not just a picture of them that appeals?
Last edited by sage; 06-17-2010 at 11:37 AM.