The only way to find out if he understands what your expectations are is to explain them in detail. It seems you have an expectation that being involved with somebody else is going to lead to shared housing and daily living, for example. That's not an expectation necessarily shared by other poly folk.
Now, if something like that has to be clearly communicated and negotiated with folks who are already poly, I think it obvious that there needs to be a great deal of communication about that with your husband. Realize that he might never be comfortable with the idea of sharing a home with another couple, even if he decides he's comfortable with doing poly relationships.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.
While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.