Amoremme, I don't think what you are saying holds true to everyone. Mono came into the life I have with Nerdist and I and us into his and he was single and is monogamous. I think it depends on your experience and maturity of everyone involved. Where you are at on your poly journey and what you want comes into play also. Where you are in your life is important to what comes about. I don't think that means everyone will be in a space where they are in a merged couple first. It can vary greatly.
I have friends that are doing just fine starting from the place of being single coming into poly because they like their own time and like having LDR's that they find deep connection with when they are with them and in the contact they have in the mean time. All valid yet un-merged for them. Even if their partner is merged with another. Perhaps they have been merged before and understand how it can change a person?
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