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Old 06-15-2010, 09:57 PM
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River River is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scaredofcasual View Post
River Wrote:

I hope I can. But how do you move past the feeling of being "not enough" if someone else has to fill that need for them to be satisfied?
You're only a few months into your first real love experience, as you said. So you have YEARS ahead to encounter and explore semi-conscious beliefs, unconscious attitudes, automatic emotional habits... around love and intimacy and affection..., abandonment fear, engulfment fear.... With experience, you'll come to be curious about yourself in a whole new way. You'll be asking "Well, why do I think this about that?" , and the only reliable answer has to come from within your own experience and inquiry. No external voice of authority will suffice. Getting to know and be close with your lover is identical with getting to know and be close with yourself. And so I offer your question right back to you.: "But how do you move past the feeling of being 'not enough'".

My own answer, which cannot be your own, is to love myself as much as I possibly can, to know that I'm more than enough. Better than enough. That means that I have to hold all of those critical internal voices in a skeptical light. I have to know that they are not me. They're just voices in my head -- many coming from my (internalized) parents, some coming from school teachers or playground bullies....

When I see these as just voices in my head I can know that they are not me, that they don't have half as much power as they seem to when I identify with them.

Practice makes perfect.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Scaredofcasual View Post
How do you reconcile being the most important thing in their life with a conditional "a priority" of importance?
If you're the most important thing in your lover's life, he has his priorities way out of whack! Jezus, haven't you noticed that our civilization is destroying the biosphere of the Earth, which is our home? (See latest example in the Gulf of Mexico) But you needn't be second to anyone or anything, either.

But think a while... If you DEMAND to be the most important thing in your lover's life..., well you're sure to push him away. The exact opposite of what you want. Never make that demand. Love is about GIVING more than getting. Give him the devotion he deserves -- no more or less. If you're lucky, and it will be lucky, he'll return the favor.
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