I try not to be critical or judgemental of people who enjoy "casual" sex or "one night stands," but I have a bit of difficulty understanding why anyone would want that. Just as you have difficulty understanding why anyone would want sexual openness while in a committed relationship. But differences aren't necessarily indicators of wrongness or badness. What ultimately matters, for me, is ... Am I loving and being loved? Maybe that's what ultimately matters to you as well? And maybe you can allow sexual freedom with your partner so long as he is honest and loving with you?
I hope I can. But how do you move past the feeling of being "not enough" if someone else has to fill that need for them to be satisfied? How do you reconcile being the most important thing in their life with a conditional "a priority" of importance?
I guess it comes down to the intensity of feelings I have developed. I fell so strongly for this guy and I found that I truly became fulfilled and happy with him alone. I didn't need or desire any extra play anymore. Even hot 3some, orgiastic scenes of debauchery just paled in reality to the connection I had within our twosome. I keep feeling like it's a regression for me to try to stoke those meaningless, purely sexual and carnal driven influences instead of cultivating the deep emotional and sexual intimacy we have as a couple.
Maybe I am just monogomously inclined and can't move past the 2=1 idea.