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Old 06-15-2010, 09:09 PM
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River River is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 2,838

Originally Posted by Scaredofcasual View Post
... just feels like it's a symptom of discontent and unfillfilled need that I cannot ever satisfy because I'm not ENOUGH. I can't seem to move past that one basic feeling.
I can say with great assurance that my desire to share deep intimacy with others -- physical, emotional, etc. -- is in no way as a result of my being disssatisfied with my partner of almost 15 years. It is no indication that I love him any less. It's just how my heart works. I can love more than one person at a time--fully.

But it sounds like your partner is mainly interested in sexual non-monogamy: openness to sexual experience with others. I got the impression from what you wrote that he's the sort who can enjoy sex with people with whom he does not have an ongoing close relationship, but that he's not really into polyamory, per se.

I'm the sort who needs to feel closeness and developing trust, as well as a sense of continuity in relationship, to enjoy sex with a person. - - - though I'm not entirely sure why I'm telling you of this! I try not to be critical or judgemental of people who enjoy "casual" sex or "one night stands," but I have a bit of difficulty understanding why anyone would want that. Just as you have difficulty understanding why anyone would want sexual openness while in a committed relationship. But differences aren't necessarily indicators of wrongness or badness. What ultimately matters, for me, is ... Am I loving and being loved? Maybe that's what ultimately matters to you as well? And maybe you can allow sexual freedom with your partner so long as he is honest and loving with you?
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