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Old 06-15-2010, 08:18 PM
Scaredofcasual Scaredofcasual is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2010
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jkelly Wrote:

Quote:
"As an aside, this sounds weird to me. Relationships don't actually work this way, at least in my experience. If someone leaves, you mourn the relationship with that person, and while it is always nice to have someone who can support you in that process, it's not like having a backup stereo system in case you blow the speakers out. Relationships are unique.

I'd find it pretty unsettling if my partner said something that made it sound like they thought of relationships as disposable."
I think that's what concerned me too. I don't even think in truth that's it just the casual sex play that bothers me...it's that I feel a reluctance on his end to fully commit to us and accept it as a plan that you don't expect to fail and do eveything you can to make work. Just as an aside, what bothered me is a little thing that to some might seem sensible and not such a big deal, but to me was very hurtful. He's always been a little slow on where he says he is and putting labels on things and unlike me he didn't feel the initial love attraction as a revelationary thing that he wanted to (for example) post on facebook, or even add me as a picture and description in his home page that details other past friends and in some cases sort of loves...I think they were more casual actually..but in any event...

We went to New York about a month ago to stay with his brother and as he was sitting beside me he sent a mass email to all of his friends and acquaintances in New York that he was descending on the town and would like to know if anyone was up to anything or had any suggestions on what to do. The way it was written sounded very singular, and I said something like "It sounds like you're coming here on your own for fun, you're not even mentioning that you're taking your boyfriend to the city for the first time together." He got defensive about that and said this was general email to everyone to people that were also aquaintances, not just friends, and that he isn't the type to put out sappy, sentimental things like "Oh my new boyfriend and I are in love, and we're here to see the city together". He accused me of pushing too much too fast and always taking such a negative view of things. And I countered, so all of these people in the city that are acquaintances AND/OR friends don't have a clue about me after 7 months of a long-term relationship that's seriously ongoing?

He amended it as I watched to a slightly different wording. Me and "a friend" are descending on the city. He couldn't understand why that made me so upset. I felt that if he couldn't even naturally acknowledge me as a boyfriend that this felt like I wasn't really that important. It's not like the man is not out or has any homophobic worries. He just kept downplaying this as a casual, non-personal email and he would obviously and naturally introduce me as his boyfriend in PERSON when and if we met such people but that it wasn't something that had to be sent out as a mass announcement.

Is this something I'm being too sensitive about? It's a little thing but I've been finding that it's the little things that add up and make me feel like there's some big thing hiding at the heart of his true depth of commitment and love. When I fell in love with him truly, I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. I don't have single friend or acquaintance that does not know of him in some way, shape or form. But people are different in the way they express themselves and I am trying not to paint him with the projection of my own personality. Maybe he just doesn't see this kind of trivial thing as a true demonstration of devotion. But to me it feels off.
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