Originally Posted by Ariakas
I would love to play the devils advocate role to explain why this happens hahaha
As to your last statement
Ask him?I think its probably safe to assume he is processing. I know very few people that can get information that is a potential game changer and not think about it.
The only way he would not bother to consider it
a) told him but were not very clear as to your goal. A V setup I assume with you at the fulcrum? (whatever it is)
b) he, in his own head, thinks this will work better as a dadt system.
c) he doesn't consider her a threat - this one I put in here because guys can sometimes...hmmm...view their opponents as level of threats. If you were clear about exactly how you feel, he could very well be seeing it as a fling or lesbian love he doesn't need to be concerned with
obviously thats a lot of guessing, but it might help with some perspective. The only way to clear it all up is to ensure you were clear in communicating (communicating is fine but if it isn't clear and catered to the persons communication style they may have missed the point) and keep the lines of communication open an available.
My wife and I communicate differently. And process differently. I am open, almost to a fault, I study every detail, almost to a fault. She takes tidbits I throw out there and simply processes them...the progress she made in a month of seemingly doing NOTHING, blew my mind. I was getting anxious and nervous because I didn't see an iota of movement...then one day, she clicked...
Good luck, sorry for the long babble.
Can you explain "C"?
Thank you for the information. I appreciated it all! I know we communicate differently. It's taken me 23 years to "get" that and not to push him. He doesn't communicate well and that's hard because in this woman, I've found my perfect communicator. So I have to remember that even though she and I are communicating, doesn't mean he is and I shouldn't ever let him feel left out. I have to make sure he always sees the advantages to this change in our relationships.
Originally Posted by Lost421
Maybe just give him a few days, then ask him again how he feels about it. Don't let it sit with you not knowing what he thinks, because that could lead to trouble. Chances are he IS thinking about it, but sometimes people need time to process these paradigm shifting events in our lives. I hope everything works out swimmingly!
-All you need is love
He finally did talk. And voiced his concerns and then we chatted and he felt much better. I'm not sure what he was thinking but I know he was concerned (I would guess) that it was another man- not another woman.
Originally Posted by idealist
Hahaha...I just want to say one thing.
It's not a gender thing....it's an extrovert/introvert thing.
Introverts aren't good at sharing and talking things out. They like to work it out within the mind and share only when it's been resolved on the deeper level.
Extroverts need to talk things out in order to figure them out.
Just a thought.....
I have several guys in my life who are great at sharing and I have females who have a really hard time sharing......
You know that's very good information.... but typically I'm the introvert and he's the extrovert EXCEPT in communication. Go figure, huh?