I'm alive and doing fairly well. The summer with all of the kids has been incredibly hectic and doesn't feel terribly relaxing yet! Between birthdays and visiting relatives, last-minute finishing touches for school and various shows and recitals, we've been having a hard time catching our breath.
My relationship with Easy seems to be doing even better now that I've recovered somewhat from my disappointment with Sunday. I'm afraid he got some backlash, but he was a good sport about it. We've been dealing with some of Easy's health issues, and I think he's doing better with those, as well. Looking back, I know we don't fight as much or as emotionally as we used to before Asha and Sunday entered our lives. I think I'm better at figuring out what I need and asking for it. I desperately hope our kids see that, since I know that some of my problems are holdovers from the way that my parents used to deal with their issues.
My relationship with Asha stumbled for a while, feeling awkward after her long time away and trying to get back into a routine. I think we're doing better now. I think she was having some troubles with Sunday, as well. She's certainly going through a very emotional time, grieving for her aunt and having to deal with less-evolved relatives who are using their grief as an excuse to create drama. I'm not sure where Easy and Asha are in their relationship, but Easy doesn't seem to know how to talk about it and I'm afraid of micro-managing it for him. Some things you just have to learn to do for yourself.
I decided to stop thinking of Sunday as a husband and start just thinking of him as a close friend. I worked very hard on being friendly and kind to him while keeping my distance emotionally. Of course I haven't talked to him about any of this. First, previous attempts to discuss how I've felt have let me walk away with the impression that he'd say anything if I would just stop talking. Second, I guess I feel like I've got too much else to deal with. So I'm letting the relationship just sit on the backburner. He doesn't seem to have noticed, which indicates to me that either our relationship wasn't important to him OR he's got too much going on right now, as well. Maybe we just don't have time for each other. Now that I've stopped worrying about it, things haven't necessarily improved, but everyone seems to be clicking better. I still have pockets of being angry and feeling rejected, but overall I seem to be feeling happier. Maybe it's just the increased sunlight.
But I do feel more self-confident lately, and it's definitely having an effect.