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Old 06-14-2010, 09:22 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742

Originally Posted by Emaretta View Post
And now i'm telling him I want an open relationship. He has not had it easy the poor guy.

So opening the relationship is a new thing and not how you started I guess. Open relationship is open for'll have to accept that I'm afraid.
Should you be worried...yes. If he is coping by looking for other relationships even though he is not poly, I would be very worried. I thought of going that rout to cope at the beginning of my relationship with Redpepper. None of my motivations were healthy...distraction, a sense of "showing her how it feels" perhaps, but mostly it was to debase the role of sex in our relationship and essentially limit my depth towards her. Another factor that still has an impact is the external views of others. When I tell people that I am monogamous with a non-monogamous woman, they often think that there is something wrong with me or that I am somewhat of a fool who is being used. I know this is not the case in my relationship, but thier perception does hurt me and makes me hold back about some things. If he can say that he gets to have other girlfriends it may lessen the judgement of his peers. Perhaps this is a factor?

Regardless of the situation, just follow your path while he follows his and see what happens. Maybe you were meant to be, maybe not. Either way...don't rush into a marraige for sure. That is just a legal entanglement that could complicate things for now.

Originally Posted by Emaretta View Post

It's just hard b/c we've been living together almost 3 years and if we broke up BOTH of us would have to move b/c neither of us can afford the place on our own. I could afford a small apartment (which I hate) but he needs a house with a yard to buffer the sounds from his music studio and his has a son that stays over, so a small apartment for him is NOT an option. And he does not get along with roommates for various reasons, but practicing his music, most people don't want to deal with.

So breaking up would be a HUGE ordeal. .
Just a note on this. Far too many couples stay together for logistical and external reasons. Connection is the best foundation of a relationship, especially one diving into opening up. Yeah, it can be painful and disruptive to part ways but if it is better in the long run it's worth the effort. Polyamorous relationships require a lot of work in general too. Either way, there is work and struggle ahead.

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over

Last edited by NeonKaos; 06-14-2010 at 11:26 PM. Reason: merge posts
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