View Single Post
  #6  
Old 06-14-2010, 09:07 PM
Emaretta's Avatar
Emaretta Emaretta is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 19
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
If he's really monogamous you are in trouble....especially if this girl is mongamous as well...I'd say the writing is on the wall in that case. Why would he deal with jealousy and you having other partners if he doesn't have to? She'd be a a much easier partner to be with as far as intimate comittment goes. She could be a total head case in other areas though.

If he's not mongamous, you'll have to deal with his interests as poly is a two way street.

Move forward cautiously would be my advice...don't invest to heavily until you see what is really transpiring. If he is forcing himself to be less than monogamous just to take the sting out of you being with other guys, again you are heading into trouble.

Lots of work to do I'm afraid. Good luck my and stay healthy.
yes mono, I am worried. We've been living together for almost 3 years and he wanted to marry me like almost 3 years ago lol, but for various reasons i'm just not ready to do that. And now i'm telling him I want an open relationship. He has not had it easy the poor guy. If I told him today let's be monogamous and get married he'd be the happiest guy alive. But now just b/c i'm going to see a secondary, he's now getting to know a girl that HE can be with when I'm with someone. I've tried to tell him he has other options when he's alone, like going out with friends, or going into his studio, or learning a new activity, but he replies that he's never been a guy that hangs out with "they guys" and he hates just pacing around the house and he can't focus on his music. Now that he has someone to go to like I do, he can deal with it better. And yes she has never been in this type of situation and has asked me and my boyfriend lots of questions. She's resolved to just be friends with him and maybe in time the awkwardness will wear off. So I mean I can't deny him or tell him how to deal with his issues and if he chooses to be with someone else while i'm with someone else, no matter what the reason, and since she understands his relationship with me...should I even worry?

Quote:
Originally Posted by YGirl View Post

Some people are "poly" or "mono" all their lives and know of no other way to be. Others are "mono" at first until they discover that "poly" is an option. Still others "experiment" with "poly" in their younger years, then "grow out of it" and "settle down". I think sometimes the "mono" partner of a "poly" person might hope that it is the last thing - they think they if they let the "poly" partner "get it out of their system", the "poly" partner will "come around" and eventually "be normal".
Yes he has said that to me before that i'm going through a phase or whatever. I think he realizes my secondary is not going to go away and this issue may come up again if I meet someone else. He doesn't want to lose me but just doesn't know how to deal with his feelings, so he trying to ease his jealousy and anger by meeting someone else himself.

Quote:
Easier said than done - I realize people usually want what they already have to work out, but if you break up you can always get back together if it turns out to be the wrong decision.
You do have a point. It's just hard b/c we've been living together almost 3 years and if we broke up BOTH of us would have to move b/c neither of us can afford the place on our own. I could afford a small apartment (which I hate) but he needs a house with a yard to buffer the sounds from his music studio and his has a son that stays over, so a small apartment for him is NOT an option. And he does not get along with roommates for various reasons, but practicing his music, most people don't want to deal with.

So breaking up would be a HUGE ordeal. I'd have to literally start saving money NOW for move in costs, pet deposits etc etc..and he would have to uproot his life as well in a lot of ways. It's not just a simple, bye, cya later, our lives are very intertwined...i'm very much a part of his career as well and we BOTH have some local celebrity around town. Breaking up is definitely our LAST resort and neither of us want that. But at the same time, our arguments are getting worse and we're seeing sides of ourselves that we never had and it's all so very stressful.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 06-14-2010 at 11:24 PM. Reason: merge posts
Reply With Quote