Originally Posted by saudade
There's a difference between rules and boundaries...
Personally, I prefer the first-person restrictions, those on oneself, to those imposed on others. I think relationships tend to be healthier when you realize you can only control your own actions, particularly once you've opened the Pandora's box of poly and thrown the default version of monogamy out the window.
Yeah, absolutely. My #1 in the post above is an example. My partner hasn't imposed on me a rule that I can only date people who appreciate that we're together, but I've adopted it as a guideline myself because I've discovered that not doing so results in a ridiculous mess that I don't want to be involved in.
And these boundaries or whatever can totally involve your partner, too. Like, I can get all NRE and overlook potential problems. If I have a partner I can trust not to act out and behave badly because I'm dating someone new, I can then say "Oh, I know about myself that when I am in NRE I can have some blind spots, so I should pay extra attention to what my partner is saying about this dynamic, because they may be seeing things that I am missing." This is super-valuable.