Originally Posted by saudade
I'd like to elaborate a bit on other kinds of merging that happen no matter the relationships people have... There are people who are married to their jobs, and that commitment is one that a partner needs to take on willingly-- marrying an ER surgeon or a firefighter means that your spouse is going to need to leave abruptly often, .............
This is the kind of thing I was referring to when I mentioned that in a way - we are all 'merged' ......with something or someone! And the challenge for anyone new is to figure out how they can be part of that merger. As the person who is already merged (pursued?) you just have to lay out the picture as clearly as possible and see if the new person is willing and capable of fitting in what may be a small place at first. Over time it can grow. But it DOES take time !
I also think this exact thing is what is sometimes perceived as some age or cultural barrier. But really it's not. It's just a difference between where different people are in their lives at a given moment which can be a product of age or culture - but doesn't have to be.
Nothing is the same as it was yesterday - or the same as it will be tomorrow. Our desires and choices shape that. That is the true barrier !