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Old 06-12-2010, 09:49 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

I haven't had a chance to catch up with this thread yet. Sorry I'm such a late comer. I think I needed some time to figure out what I think about LDR's.

I am not a big fan of them for myself. I need people to be around me or I just don't see the point in being a lover. I need that constant connection and find it difficult to produce that when we finally get together. It feels like a fling to me rather than a bonded connection. There is far too much daily stuff that is important that makes my relationships rich. Regardless of internet chats and time together. Its a fantasy thats produced through on-line chats for me. A fantasy that produces a fantasy when we are together. I'm just not into that I guess. There is nothing wrong with that fantasy really its just not as deep as I need. I can see how some might want a fantasy for sure.

I guess there is something to be said for the separateness that comes from not being in each others lives when I am not together with someone, but I just don't want that. It would fizzle to friendship and possibly even nothing for me. Sure I would still love them, as I do ex lovers that are no longer near me, but I would not be able to maintain anything beyond a small ache when they are away and a confused longing for more when they are near.

I don't think I would be willing to do it. There is far too much right here, right now to invest in for me. I would have to say, "goodbye, we'll see what happens, let's stay friends and see each other when we can" if someone came along that I could be with. If someone in my life left I would likely have to do something similar. I would possibly give it a try, but there would be some major boundary changes that would end in the same result I fear.

On another note there is the fact that NRE would last longer for a person and that prolonged effect takes its toll, both in positive and negative ways. I can see how that could cause issues as well as for the person at home when a partner goes to see their LDR. I must say I am anxious about that with you deciding to move away from here roly. Nerdist has very little holiday time and money already and has already decided to go and see you rather than spend time with me at a B and B, as promised this spring. The balance will be hard to work out I think, but we will figure it out. Its always figurable. We just have to keep talking and keep at it.
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