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Old 07-26-2009, 04:59 PM
Nyx Nyx is offline
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: north america
Posts: 53
Default New here, new to poly

Hello, all! I am new here and am not polyamorous (yet?) but my bf is. I am 30 yrs old, and he and I dated back when we were teenagers off and on, but I broke it off for good because of my feeling that he was a "ladies man". I was totally threatened and just ran off, never looking back.

About a year and a half ago, after hearing through mutual friends for several years that he has been trying to contact me, we finally made contact via the internet. He, at the time, was overseas and I was pregnant from a bf that I no longer was with. (I also have a daughter from another relationship who is now 8). So after emailing each other, he tells me he has never stopped thinking of me and loving me, oh and also that he is poly and had discovered this about five years ago.

To make a very long story short, he ended up deciding to move in with me and try being monogamous - needless to say it didn't work, he felt stifled and moved out about two months ago. We are still together though, even after numerous breakdowns on my part. But we talk a LOT and I guess I am at this point having to decide where I truly stand with him being poly and me, well not. Or maybe I could be. I have to admit, I am attracted to other men quite frequently, but so far have not met anyone. I find it difficult to make time between two children and full time college.

Meanwhile, he has two other girls he is dating, one more so than the other, and I am very intimidated and every time he mentions the one in particular I feel sick and angry and jealous. Thing is, I can usually calm down and think rationally about it after a while which makes me hopeful that I can get used to the idea and maybe even meet this girl, as my bf so badly wants me to. I have told him I am attracted to a man he knows through the fire station and he has encouraged me to strike up a friendship with the guy, but so far I have not pursued it at all. What holds me back is fearing that any guy will run the other way if they know I already have a bf. I have seen that as a common theme so far on this forum.

Anyway, I am here to get a better idea of what poly really is (I feel sometimes that my bf uses it as a label to excuse himself for being a man-whore...I know, not fair) and to bounce ideas off of other people, get some insight into it. All of my friends are strictly and jealously monogamous and though none have condemned me for venturing into an open relationship, I don't feel able to talk to any of them because they do not understand. So far one person whom I have been more talkative about it is my sister, but she, like me, can't get over the idea that it's an easy way to screw around and not get in trouble. My bf says the opposite, that sex plays less into his poly ideals than love and other connections do. I know I'm making it all about sex and not sure why that is. Probably because I have never been in a situation where I was torn between or in love with two or more people at once. I guess I just don't understand it.

And with my bf, even though I am attracted to other men, I can't see myself being in love with anyone but him. Well, I guess that is enough for now. I would like to be able to respond to others' posts, but I have no advice to offer, being kind of an outsider at this point.

Last edited by Nyx; 07-27-2009 at 05:03 PM.
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