Originally Posted by redpepper
I am looking for ways of talking about this with someone who is un-merged also. It seems to be so difficult to express/communicate with someone who doesn't fully grasp what it means to be merged.
Yea - I understand - but yet I don't !
If put in the framework I attempted, everyone is "merged" from birth in some form!
But if I'm understanding your quandary (?) you are trying to establish some rapport with some person - maybe young & inexperienced (?) and say.....accustomed to just a 'dating' approach to relationships. And to bridge such a gap really is an educational effort.
It's almost like a cultural barrier, where the day-to-day life, language and priorities are so foreign to them that you can waste enormous amounts of time and effort just getting simple concepts across.
And at least 'I' don't know any shorcuts for that !
Trying - or having - to explain how an existing commitment to a relationship(s), children, finances, a job etc put unavoidable demands on your time, mental energy etc, is asking a lot. But in my mind, if they are SINCERELY interested, the burden is on them. Someday they will be there too so may as well start the process sooner rather than later.
But again, I don't really see this a vastly different - except maybe in degree - to learning about anyone you interact with. The genuine desire has to be there. And in reality, there are going to be people whose lives seem SOOOOO complex and full already that you get a sense that there really isn't room for you to fit in - at least in the role you see yourself in.
As we talk about a lot, there are existing priorities and it would be unfair and unrealistic to expect those priorities to just evaporate.
So you kiss, hug.........and let it go.