Thread: Frustrated
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Old 06-11-2010, 07:47 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Originally Posted by Lost421 View Post
So now I'm even more confused. She said we should just play it by ear and see how things go. Things got intimate one night, but not too intimate mind you, I like to take things as slowly as possible. The next day she was acting kind of distant and I was getting vibes from her, so I asked her what was wrong. She tells me she's really confused about us and she doesn't know how to feel, and we should just be friends for the time we're together until we both get back home (we're on a business trip and live in two different but close together cities) and then we'll see where things go from there. I know she enjoyed that night we had together (I'm not trying to be cocky here but I am a very giving lover) so I know that's not it. She left to go back home yesterday, I'm still away from home on business for another couple of weeks.
This is not bad. Not great but not bad. She was honest, wants to let it evolve at its own pace which may well mean it won't go anywhere.

Trust me, as one of the most impatient people you would ever meet, waiting sucks. But think of it from her perspective. She needs time to process, just be available and hopefully things work out

I realize she didn't flat out tell me it won't work out between us, but I can't help but feeling adrift. I can't focus on my work (and it's really important that I'm focused) and I can't get this woman out of my head. I feel like we've had a deep connection and that if I don't see her again it's going to leave a hole in my heart. I guess I fall fast and I fall hard. I know that if I was single things would be different; she wouldn't have the same fears and confusion.
Reign that NRE in. Its thrown around a lot, new relationship energy. Its that rush when your brain is swimming in a crush...until you know for sure something is happening with the two of you, try and keep it to a minimum. While its a fun ride, it can also do bad things

a) make work hard
b) take away from other relationships and friendships
c) cause you to make overtly stupid mistakes

I guess I'm having a really hard time with being poly right now; it's so hard to meet people that are open to different ways of being and when you finally do meet someone and you tell them you're poly things almost always end up going sideways.
This is where you need to start hanging with people who are open to non-monogamy. Not everyone is open to open relationships ...I am lucky that my friends accept me for who I am, but they are not open to being with me romantically...

I'm not sure what kind of advice I'm asking for here but does anyone feel the same way I do? Does anyone have any advice? I really, really like this woman and I kind of feel like a freak right now asking her to be 'the other woman'. I'm not sure if it's fair to her but I can't deny how I feel and I know I care about her, I miss her and she's been gone a day and a half. I realise that all I can do right now is wait and see what she decides but I can't help but feel empty somehow, like I already know the outcome.
Slow down, talk to her, and fight that NRE until you know you can put it to good use...
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