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Old 06-11-2010, 06:17 PM
jkelly jkelly is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 168

Originally Posted by foxy View Post
I have not been able to directly communicate my internal situation, because honestly I have had difficulty, and still do putting my finger exactly on how to say things. They have asked in round about ways and directly about my feelings of them being able to resume their physical intimacy. I have said I am not ready for that yet, but left the door open for a future possibility. Maybe I am being selfish in wanting to ride the NRE for a bit longer before being able to share. I am not a daft bunny and know their emotional intimacy although being effected is still very strong.
If I was the guy in this situation, I am pretty sure that my feelings of NRE would be more impacted by my resentment over the demand to end (or put on hold) a relationship I was already in than by my continuing it.

If you're not great at communicating about this, and your partner has basically given you a veto over his other relationships, what do you think is going to be the thing that happens in the future that makes it okay for them to continue their relationship?

Originally Posted by foxy View Post
So, any insights or advice?
I suspect that the reason you're having trouble communicating here is because you either don't know what you want or don't want to admit it.

The longer this goes on, the more heartache there is going to be. I think you should decide whether or not you really want to be in a poly- relationship. If you don't, just put that out there, without any hedging about what "might be okay in the future". The guy was mono- himself until pretty recently, he may well be up for that, and if he's not, he is not a good match for you.

If you instead are now feeling like you want poly- relationships, then my advice is to let them be together. You seem to think that keeping them apart is going to have good consequences for your relationship with this guy. I suggest that's not true, and the consequences may actually be worse than the ones you are afraid of if they continue a secondary relationship.

That said, I think that the person who really needed good advice was your guy, but it's a little late for that.
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