Thread: Is this for me?
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Old 06-11-2010, 03:37 PM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Deep South
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SchrodingersCat- it's interesting that I have been thinking about our conversation and sat down to share more thoughts when I found your question which is pertaining to exactly what was on my mind. I do think all of this is relevent to the original post also!!

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
Hey, cool! I find that very interesting. Thank you for explaining that. I don't want to hijack the thread, but I think there's some relevance here to the original post. The whole notion of, can a lesbian be attracted to a man?
Again- you would have to look at the Kinsey Scale (which I've attached). So- yes, a person who is living a lesbian lifestyle and/or a person who is identified as a lesbian (with a lesbian orientation) can be attracted to a man. There are homosexual people who have never been attracted to a person of the opposite gender. And there are heterosexual people who have never been attracted to a person of the same gender. It's not all black and white though. You also have to deal with denial. A person may be attracted to someone and unwilling to even admit it to themselves because of cultural programming.

When you were living a lesbian lifestyle, did you find yourself fully immersed in the whole ... I don't want to say "LGBT culture" but hopefully you know what I mean? Was it like the L-word? :P or did you mostly have the same friends and social circle that you have in the hetero lifestyle?
When I was living the lesbian lifestyle, we had a whole different social circle and set of friends. As a lesbian couple, we did not socialize with hetersexual couples unless they were our sibblings. When I made the decision to pursue a heterosexual lifestyle, I had to change my entire social network. They did not overlap for me at all.

Sorry to pry, I just find this description very fascinating. I'm trying to figure out to which extent your lesbian and hetero lifestyles extend into the rest of your life, or is it mainly just the relationship itself that changes?
For me, it extended into all of my life. Changing the "lifestyle" changed my life. Which brings me to the point I wanted to share.

If you are a polyamorous bisexual and living a lesbian lifestyle, the lesbian community will not accept it. In other not try to bring a male lover with you to a social setting of lesbians and expect them to support you. They will not for the most part. I found that a bisexual person had no support in the lesbian community when it came down to having a male lover. Lesbians do not want to deal with male lovers.

The heterosexual community won't support me because of the inherent non-monogamous aspect of having two (or more) lovers.

So- for me- as a bisexual person, the polyamorous community is where I get my support. This is the only community which will support me for having a male and a female lover or lovers.

(also-the "swingers" community will support my even though I don't want to identify as a "swinger" I can enjoy some support and validation from them.)
Attached Images
File Type: png Kinsey Scale.png (12.9 KB, 2 views)
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.

Last edited by idealist; 06-11-2010 at 03:44 PM.
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