View Single Post
Old 06-11-2010, 02:07 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Originally Posted by sage View Post
1. How does a primary not become the "meat and potatoes" while the subsequent relationships are more like desserts. i.e fascinating tidbits that could not really sustain you long term but are what you so often crave because they are so delicious? It's easier to be delicious when you don't share dishes, domestics, dirty laundry, his kids and his ex.
Keeping in mind everyone does it differently, This absolutely can happen, but I bet those relationship dont last long. But lets look at 2 couples merging

Guy 1 and Girl 1
Guy 2 and Girl 2

Girl 1 meets Guy 2 and start dating. They are secondary to each other. This balance is met because they do have another relationship.

Obviously this can happen a million different ways. Some people are more inclined to a secondary relatinship choosing to be there at certain times but preferring other relationships. Ideally, with everyone open, no one is dependent.

This balance is found with communication and trust. In the above scenario you may find guy 1 completely happy being monogamous with girl 1 even though girl 1 has a bf.

2. As a primary can you expect to remain primary? Should your needs be primary?
Absolutely depends on the config and the people involved. Since you asked that as a question descriptive to *me* needs are primary, to myself. Ideally I have support and I am helping others too.

Don't focus to much on the labels, they will make your head spin. If you love someone as mentioned by you, work with the relationship as you can. Don't expect, as in traditionally monogamous relationships, to walk into the mans world with 2 other women, and sweep him away time wise. He has to budget that time and fullfill his needs, plus 2 others.

ps, he must be a miracle worker with a calendar may be infinite, but time in a day is only 24 hours haha

3. Does polyamory create deeper or shallower relationships in general? Surely if you are committed to just one person then you both have to work harder at that one relationship? You have more invested because your eggs are all in one basket. With poly you have your needs met from different sources; a bit like spreading the risk or diversifying your portfolio.
I will simply say...people who suck at monogamous relationships are going to suck at poly relationships. Poly isn't some magic egg to make everything feel right in the world. Relationships take in general, the relationships are as good as their weakest person.
Reply With Quote