Thread: Is this for me?
View Single Post
Old 06-11-2010, 03:52 AM
idealist's Avatar
idealist idealist is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Deep South
Posts: 545

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
First, surely you're not saying that there are no heterosexual or homosexual polyamorous people? Because I've met plenty of them on this forum.
No, I didn't say that, you're right. What I said was Polyamory is the answer to the question about how to live a Bisexual lifestyle for a bisexual person. I wasn't refering to what the polyamorous lifestyle is like for heterosexuals or homosexuals.

Second, there are bisexual monogamous people. Bisexuality refers only to the gender of people to whom you're attracted. Monogamous people can be attracted to both genders. I believe that sexual orientation is primarily inherent, i.e. you retain it even when you're single, and you retain it when you enter any kind of relationship. That's not to say it can't change, just that being attracted to someone doesn't "make" it change, so much as it changing "makes" you attracted to someone.
Well- there is a difference between a sexual orientation and a chosen lifestyle. I lived a lesbian lifestyle for 12 years when I was in a monogamous relationship with another woman. And I have lived a heterosexual lifestyle for the last 12 years as I have had a number of monoagmous relationships with men.

I'm sure there are exceptions, there always are. I'm not trying to take away from your experience. I see no reason why someone can't live their life as a lesbian, and then meet some guy whom she's strangely attracted to, be in a relationship with him for a while, and then when it's over, she still only wants to be with women. I wouldn't even stop her from calling herself a lesbian while she's with him, even though most lesbians would be up in arms over that :P
Yeah...that's the dilemma. You can have a "bisexual orientation", but if you are monogamous, you have to choose a "lifestyle" of either straight or gay. There is no "bisexual lifestyle" per se. As a bisexual person- when I was in a monogamous relationship with a woman, it was a lesbian lifestyle. I was a bisexually oriented woman living a gay lifestyle. And for the last 12 years, I have been a bisexual woman living a heterosexual lifestyle by being in monogamous relationships with men.....neither lifestyle was fullfilling for me because something was missing in both cases.

So- what I said was..... for me, the polyamorous lifestyle which allows for multiple partners is the way that I am able to truly live a bisexual "lifestyle" since I can have a male partner and a female partner......
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.
Reply With Quote