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Old 06-11-2010, 01:40 AM
Eni Eni is offline
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6

Originally Posted by jkelly View Post
Yes, that means that you're less mono- than you thought. And some gay guys are, in fact, going to be sort of squicked by the idea. But, really, this story is actually kind of sweet, and says something about who you are and how your sexuality works, and do you really want to date guys who are squicked by that?
I don't want to date guys. I guess I should've pointed out that I'm a lesbian instead of saying I'm gay, that would've made it a bit clearer I suppose!
Originally Posted by jkelly View Post
I suspect that the terror is coming from learning even more outside-of-the-mainstream things about how your sexuality works, and what you'd like in your life than it is about jitters because you're crushing on someone. Might be wrong, though; crushing on someone is sometimes pretty scary.

Anyways, yes; have that conversation. I'd be willing to bet that it's going to go well. A bad first scene, just like bad first sex, isn't really a predictor of how a relationship can develop. Further, I wouldn't be surprised that the poly- thing turns out to be less of a big deal for you than you think it will be.
Well I know part of the terror comes from engaging something that is so far out of my realm of experience, for sure. Probably amplified by the duration it took to get here. I've had a fear of falling for her since day one and 95% of the scenarios I dreamt up during the next year or so weren't exactly happy ones.

And yet here I am, like some sort of crazy person.

Of course the other part is being afraid I totally misinterpreted her relief at me opening up to her and she has no feelings for me whatsoever beyond the platonic. It's not like she spelled it out for me, after all. I guess I will know the answer to that one soon enough...

I do think I may have less issues with the poly thing than I previously though, assuming this develops into a relationship. The more I think about it the more I think I could be okay being her secondary cause... hey, I can still find my own primary. The biggest fears I have relate to me finding someone I feel strongly about who will then go "okay I'll be with you but you can't be with this other lady anymore", and having to deal with the fact that her primary exists.

I don't in fact mind hearing about her boyfriend, and I've actually listened to her talk to me about him a bit. It's just that I don't think if I will ever be able to meet the guy.
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