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Old 06-11-2010, 01:25 AM
jkelly jkelly is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 168

First of all, thanks for the story. "I'm gay and think of myself as monogamous, but am actually sort-of kind-of dating a poly- domme" sounds a lot more like my life and circle of friends than a lot of questions that we get around here.

Originally Posted by Eni View Post
But being gay certainly makes the pond smaller enough without adding "poly" to the list of requirements...

So I have an additional question. If the thought of a hypothetical future where I have some form of relationship with this lady and also a primary partner of my own doesn't sound that bad to me, does that mean I might be less mono than I thought?
Yes, that means that you're less mono- than you thought. And some gay guys are, in fact, going to be sort of squicked by the idea. But, really, this story is actually kind of sweet, and says something about who you are and how your sexuality works, and do you really want to date guys who are squicked by that?

Originally Posted by Eni View Post
I think I'm going to lay my cards out on the table and trust her, cause she's given me every reason to. Tell her that I really like her, enjoy spending time with her, find her attractive and I want to keep seeing her, but I'm scared because she's poly. Maybe I misinterpreted, and she doesn't like me that way. But she deserves my honesty, to know where I stand. I don't want to hurt her anymore by keeping her out.

Should I feel terrified?
I suspect that the terror is coming from learning even more outside-of-the-mainstream things about how your sexuality works, and what you'd like in your life than it is about jitters because you're crushing on someone. Might be wrong, though; crushing on someone is sometimes pretty scary.

Anyways, yes; have that conversation. I'd be willing to bet that it's going to go well. A bad first scene, just like bad first sex, isn't really a predictor of how a relationship can develop. Further, I wouldn't be surprised that the poly- thing turns out to be less of a big deal for you than you think it will be.
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