Good points Gs. I hadn't really thought about that. I think I will maybe try it once, maybe in a few years. Not now. It is my issues, my fears. I had a huge fear of intimacy and also of abandonment. I'm pretty much at the stage of finding the courage to feel all my feelings and transmuting them into wisdom, patience, tolerance, compassion. I still find this difficult, this letting go, allowing, all is welcome here stuff. It is slow growing these disciplines for me. I do a lot of avoidance stuff, like getting a man who lives in a different city so I don't have to get too intimate.
I can relate to the story of the women who said she broke up with her other man but didn't. The guy I love did that to me too. The nasty part is I didn't mind as long as he wore condoms but he didn't. Blaaahhh health is really important to me.
I can't really put a time limit on how my growth will go but right now I'm going to spend the whole weekend with my newest good guy and I'm pretty anxiously/excited. First whole romantic weekend in like 15 years I've been invited on. Fear of intimacy and abandonment looming. I'm off to do some good self talk. I'll be fine. I feel secure and loved. It will be so much fun. He won't think I'm crazy. lol I'll tell you how it goes.