oh tough questions scat. I love smart people. I'm not so smart when it comes to men. I was really unconscious when it came to my partners. All my life I was attracted to lying cheating bastards. the drama etc. was exciting but no longer. That is what the recovery was all about. So yes you are right it is a total trend and may not be all recovered out of my system. Thus the comment don't wan't my men to meet each other. New guy is great, solid, non drama. Other guy I still love is bad news, drama, controlling, Sex/love addict for sure, not in recovery. Nobody likes him. They all wonder why I bother with him.
I have found out through reading some Harville Hendrix books that he is my exact imago match. That means he has all the characteristics of my main caregivers. He is capable of injuring me in the exact same way and harville believes we unconsciously search all our lives for someone who can injure us the same way our parents did and then can also help heal us if they are willing. The bad news man is my exact imago match and I can't help but be attracted but he is not willing to help me heal. Just willing to re injure me the same way my parents did. I'm thinking as I continue my healing journey I will be attracted to healthier and healthier men who I will be willing to introduce to each other. Thanks for the thoughtful comments.
I liked it isn't cheating if you are not lying but then scats comment if they don't want me to be with others and I am then it is cheating doesn't matter if I am honest about it or not. So then what do you do? Break up and be alone? casually date? I can see all people must be in agreement otherwise it creates hurt and people pleasing for fear of breaking up. I've never been able to figure out how to get what I want if the other person is not wanting the same thing. It is very confusing because I feel like i should know but I don't. Thank God I have a program to recover my sanity when that type of confusion arises.