*big grin @ idealist* Wouldn't it be awesome if every man had a "wing woman" for when they get into arguments, to help them keep perspective? And Vice-versa. I know, I know, it's 2010 and men and women are equal blah blah blah. I don't buy that, though. Men and women are very very different, and will continue to be so for at least a few more millennia. Neurologists are just starting to pin down SOME of the biochemical differences in the brain. Considering we're pretty much run by biochemistry the way a computer is run by its operating system, we're sorta like computers from two leading multibillion dollar companies that shall remain unnamed
Originally Posted by leslie
Thanks for you response. I cried when I read it because it so accurately describes how I feel and helps me to make sense of why it is taking me so long to feel safe again.
I would love to know what the middle ground is. What are the steps, and do you think it is possible to go back and start more slowly?
I feel so confused now and I am starting to make irrational demands that seem like just an effort to get some control of the situation.
A lot of the time, I wish the whole thing never happened and that I never have to deal with poly stuff again. Then, when the smoke clears, I like thinking about how wonderful it is to be free of restrictions and expanding love. But right now, it is a mess of emotional turmoil and hurt feelings.
Hon, I wish I knew. When I find out, I'll send you the memo
It's so easy to say "find middle ground" and so hard to actually do it...
But a simple answer to a simple question, yes I think it's possible to go back and start more slowly.
If possible, it would be great for the three of you to sit down and have an honest conversation about your feelings and what you would each like to have happen, and then make some goals that are reachable by all of you.
I say all three of you, because it can really help to have "the other woman" involved, so that she feels like a real live person to you, with hopes and dreams and fears just like you have, as opposed to some faceless other body that your husband is banging.
I realize there's a distance issue, but you could do a video conference on Skype or something. Putting a face on a person can really help you perceive them as another human being.