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Old 06-09-2010, 03:57 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Honestheart View Post
but tell me this, when moving slow becomes standing still and holding... is that a good thing or a bad thing when that holding still means you've put your dreams and hopes for a relationship's future on hold...indefinitely?
I would place this on the side of bad things. If things aren't progressing then they may be putting a stop to something you want to see happen. Keep in mind they may not know just how slow they are going. My wife and I, in life, move at different paces. I am a sprinter and she is a turtle. In our world we need to meet in the middle to get to the same crossroads of life at the same time, otherwise we leave each other behind.

Pengrah did not realize her pace was crippling any movement forward. We ended up having to discuss this and she made a couple of big jumps. One thing that also came from the discussion was our difference in processing. She had been intellectually figuring things out on her own. What I saw as 0 movement she had actually made incredible leaps forward. It just wasn't obvious to me

Quote:
and if you find yourself at such a point, what do you do? keep holding or take a step forward and deal with the emotional aftermath?
Consider your steps. The aftermath may be less of a shock than you think. Talk about your steps forward and move forward a bit. Baby step it.

I made a mistake one day and ask pengrah about kissing other women. While she was away. Now, with her there, I pretty much have full reign, but I had never broached this topic as something to do without her. Apparently I had jumped 4 steps...it was a night of discussion, 2 weeks of thought and I found out she had moved those 4 steps

Quote:
and on another kind of related note... consider the following....
if for some reason the relationship you were in ended badly
and you find yourself waiting, holding so to speak, to find out is there was a possibility the relationship could be mended whether with friendship only or romantically in a poly relationship ... would you? or would you let go, walk away, cut off all ties, and never look back?
I did...it didn't. I had to move on. I don't have great advice here as I do tend to hold on longer than I likely should have. Its my way of achieving closure knowing its actually over. This occurs for me when the actual closure was minimal to non existent.
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