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Old 06-09-2010, 02:59 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Thank you SC for your post. I appreciate your patience and non-judgmental response. I hesitate every time I post my feelings on casual sex as I fear that they will be met with judgment and that people will think that I am trying to convert others to my point of view. I don't have any judgment of what others do in their sex life. Sure I cringe sometimes, but it isn't out of judgment, but because I find it hard to empathize. I have beent trying to get to the bottom of how I feel so that I don't cringe anymore and I think you have helped me emensely with your post.

I understand this...

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
I think a lot of it has to do with your expectations heading into it. When I've had casual sex, I didn't expect anything beyond the encounter itself. It's the only time that I'm entirely selfish during sex, because I don't expect to get anything from them unless I "take" it (in a reciprocal, non-forceful, non-emotional way... struggled to figure how to say that without sounding like a rapist). But I never led them to believe there would be anything beyond that night. So I guess the answer to that is, if you're having sex outside of an established romantic relationship, the safest way is to not "give" anything (emotionally).
I think I have been giving too much thought and emotion going into casual situations... the thing is I don't see the point in bothering without giving... hmmm? It's nice to give I guess, but I think I prefer not to now in life. I have given too much and really just want to give to those that are closest to me relationship wise.

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
I personally feel that any friendship which is strong enough to be worth protecting in the first place would be strong enough to survive a sexual encounter. But if you value the friendship, you definitely need to talk about it first. A LOT. Discuss what will happen if one person develops feelings from the encounter. Discuss whether the desire is strong enough to explore those feelings.

For me, when romantic feelings develop with someone I'm close to, the "friendship" is over one way or another. I can't just turn off those feelings and pretend to be satisfied with friendship. So if there's no possibility to develop it into romance, then I would probably have to pull away from the person and the friendship just to protect myself from the pain of seeing them and not being able to be with them.

I'm not a "something is better than nothing" kind of person. I want it all, or I want to get on with my life.
Thanks for this too. I have been in these situations and agree entirely. Right now there is no room for any friends to become "intimate friends" or "friends with benefits" but I get it.
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