Thanks, idealist. I'm sorry it didn't work you for you and your guy. I hold no illusions that he and I might end up the same way but I have enough hope for now.
Distance isn't actually so much of an issue for me. I'm visiting him in September this year and then hoping in a year after that to do a working holiday over there for a year. But, we'll see, I think I was getting a bit ahead of myself anyway.
Over and over again I've seen on these boards that advice that your primary relationship needs to be strong and solid before you can handle anyone else being involved. If the fact that I'm poly is tearing us apart (even though I'm not practising polyamory) then we have some work to do!