Thread: My bucketlist
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Old 06-08-2010, 06:29 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

I would leave it alone. I think she has already said she isn't available and is being nice. You kind of went a bit fast with the kisses and hugs and being available whenever thing I think. She used you to experiment by the sounds of it, nothing more. She has pointed that out as kindly as possible.

You sound like lovely people who take having sex with people seriously. It sounds like it is a bonding experience and it hurts you that others don't find it such. There is nothing wrong with that, but perhaps you need to look for like minded people who see it the same way, if not similarly.

Adult friend finder is not the best place to find people who see sex and love the way you do. I suggest you move on to sites that have perhaps similar people... okcupid for example. Better yet, get involved with the poly community in your area or sometimes swinging communities are a more to the poly side... one would have to go cautiously however as it isn't about love and connection on the fore front, but casual sex with strangers usually. Still, might be worth looking into.

You will find a huge difference in people who enjoy sex as recreation. They are going to jump on the chance faster to have sex than those that view it as a loving, bonding act. That takes time. A richness evolves first from relationships like the latter and when sex actually happens it is to deepen the relationship rather than for fun... although it is fun also.

Your ad sounds like ones I used to write and respond too. I know that I could very well be wrong, but as I spent a lot of time doing what you are doing and got very hurt and somewhat destroyed in the process I hope that you at least engage in a different method.

I find in my relationships huge benefits to me as I know that the love and sex I have is based in connection and bonding... very different from when we were on the path you are now on... we started there. I too was disappointed (among other feelings) that the ones I gave myself too saw me as nothing more than an experiment.

yup, I think its time to move on from this one and let her be. You have given her your spiel and she isn't biting. Or isn't right now. The more you try and get her to bite, the less she will want to and just be irritated.

She is no unicorn... unicorns actually want the couple as is, no other lovers are necessary and they are everything to them. The are in it past a one night stand and are bonded with the couple.... make no mistake, she experimented and is done with you for now.
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