I love how honest you want to be and good for you not consumating your love! This will make telling her a lot easier. Cheating is not the easy root, it's the cowardly route. You are not being a coward. Good for you.
I think that your wife suspects you are cheating and you can proudly say that you are not physically but want to stop cheating emotionally.
I think I would ask her to allow you time to get everything out including telling her about your love, the history behind it, what poly is, about her husband being okay and your undieing love for her and how you want to continue your marraige and try to include this new (not so new) woman in it. Then she can have her turn and you can listen to everything she says before replying. Or even allow her the time to get back to you.
You are on the right track I think and on the pivotal point of huge change in your life. Whatever happens it will be the right thing in the end.
(sorry, Ygirl, it is so hard to take you seriously with that picture of your tits on there!!!! hahahaha! I love what you said though and your words were perfect!)
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM