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Old 06-06-2010, 08:27 PM
DharmaBum23 DharmaBum23 is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: New Jersey
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post

What do you mean by "losing everything?" What specifically do you lose that constitutes "everything?"
Money, status, emotional well being, even one's life depending on the circumstances, etc. Literally everything.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post

Seems like that can only happen if you pour your entire being into the relationship, giving up your individuality and sense of self. I feel that's an expression of co-dependence, not love. For me, Love includes putting myself first sometimes, and encouraging my loved ones to do the same.

Think of it like a poker game: If you don't go all-in, you can always walk away with a few chips left. Never gamble more than you can afford to lose.
Which requires a tremendous mindfulness, I've found. From my experience, putting in more than you are willing to loose isn't a single discrete action, like going all in during a game of poker(and sometimes even a night at the casino isn't like that). It's more like watching a sunset. It is techically true that there is a certain point when the sun passes beyond the horizon. Realistically, however, it happens very gradually. It isn't uncommon at all for someone to look around and realize that(from their point of view) all of the sudden it has gone from day to night. I have found that when relationships go sour, it usually seems to happen the same way. It happens gradually, one day at a time, one little thing after another. Then you wake up one day and realize that you have, very gradually, made a horrible mistake.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post

Some people seem to think you can only get the most out of a relationship if you put your whole self in it, but I don't agree. If you put everything into a relationship, then never mind when it ends -- you end up a doormat while it's still happening. No one else knows what you need as well as you do, and only you can make sure your needs are met. To do that, you have to be a little bit selfish.

I certainly NEVER risk losing EVERYTHING by merely "dating". I think of dating as being that non-serious phase prior to "being in a relationship", before you know the person and trust them enough not to walk away with whatever chips you've put on the table.
I agree with that part, but that begs the question somewhat. Even though dating does not necessitate "being in a relationship" it does seem that dating at least sometimes ends in "being in a relationship"(which is when things get serious).

I guess I have a different definition of dating. When I think of dating I think of the whole romantic side of life from meeting people, to going on dates, to being in a relationship. When someone says they "don't date", I've found that that usually means that they don't participate in the romantic side of life.
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