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Old 06-06-2010, 07:38 PM
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Emaretta Emaretta is offline
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 19

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
I really hate that kind of arrogant, holier-than-thou attitude. First, I think it's crap to think that any person is better than any other person. So I think it's even more crap to think that being associated with some so-called-lower-person brings you down.
I agree...but my primary says he's lied and is a drunk after one incident he had too much to drink and there were words exchanged which was in the very beginning and nothing of the sort has happened since.

You've got two guys here. One is perfectly willing to share you with whomever makes your heart dance, is kind to you, accepting and not controlling. The other is telling you what to do, who to associate yourself with, questioning your judgement...

I know what I'd do!
well we live together and i do love him very much. I enjoy our home together and am not ready to give up on this since I do believe people can change their views on this.

Have these friends said anything negative about your secondary to you, or just to your primary? Is it possible primary's making up the things they're supposedly saying about secondary?
When the very first incident arose...I said why if this involves me would this "Friend" come to you and not me...are they just trying to cause trouble? He said they felt awkward coming to me and at the threat of leaving him he would NOT tell me who this person was so that I may speak with them directly. And furthermore there was a picture in question that my primary could never reproduce for me. All of it seemed very contrived to me.
The other problem is that my secondary relationship is totally hidden. My primary and i are well known in our area and 95% of people we know think we are the perfect monogamous couple and for his career it's better that way. So normally when I would just go straight to people myself to ask what's going on, I can't do this b/c I don't want to bring up any questions about me and my secondary if no one is aware of what's going on. So i'm at the complete trust of my primary and secondary which of course puts me in the middle of having to believe one over the other. And quite honestly with how my primary had been acting, it's hard to blindly trust him now.

There's another red flag, saying that the secondary is only dating you because he's desperate -- which sounds to me like he's putting you down, that someone would only go out with you because they're desperate. But if you've got two guys wanting to be with you, then you're obviously very "relationship-worthy."

Actually, it's reminiscent of an abusive personality -- the whole "you can't leave me because no one else would have you" kind of crap. Except, you've already proven that wrong, so he's got to make it sound like this other guy isn't worth anything. But if you have feelings for him, then he's probably worth something to you
My primary sees him as desperate not b/c i'm not good enough but b/c i'm soooo good that he will take whatever he can get with me, ie sharing me. He thinks I'm just sooo out of his league that he'll take whatever I give him, seeing him as a chump for being with a woman who goes out with other men which is how my primary feels as well. It also doesn't help that he talks to his mono friends who all say I'm crazy to be throwing him away, and no guy would put up with how i'm behaving. He feels weak and less of a man that his woman is out galavanting with other men while he sits at home alone and i expect him to welcome me when i get home and cuddle with him in our bed after some man's hand and lips were all over me.
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