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Old 06-06-2010, 07:31 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
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There are two kinds of casual sex.

The first is casual sex because sex is fun, it feels good to express yourself, it's a way to connect with people, etc. Those are positive reasons.

The second is casual sex because life is meaningless, sex gives you a sense of worth, makes you feel accepted and valued, helps you avoid your problems. Those are negative reasons.

A slut is "too slutty" if you're having sex for the wrong reasons. If having sex makes you feel worse rather than better. If you're doing it to take something from the other person rather than share something with them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DD123 View Post
I do in fact value that autonomy more than any relationship. I realize that may be a rather contentious statement -- "fightin' words", you might say -- so please remember that I'm a 19-year-old bi-lesbian college student with codependency and intimacy issues, and this death-grip on my autonomy is simply what I think is appropriate for me.
I don't think them's fightin' words... It's where you are in life, maybe your lifelong path, and if you're open and honest about it, then that's perfectly fine. About 4 years ago, I was in a similar place. I had been in a few serious, mono relationships, and was feeling the need for freedom to explore and express myself however I saw fit. So when I got together with my now-husband, I made it clear to him that I was going to maintain whatever other relationships I wanted, and if he wanted to be with me, he would have to accept that. So he learned to. Then it turned out I was so crazy about him that I didn't desire anyone for the next 3 years because my time, desire, and energy were taken up. Now we're somewhere in the middle - I'm still free to date whomever I want, but I no longer have the "get over it or move on" attitude, and if my actions were causing him pain, then it would be a serious issue to me and it would need to be addressed.

As long as you're upfront with your boyfriend that you intend to do whatever the hell you want and he has no say in the matter other than breaking up with you, and you're ok with that, then go hard!

Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnalTone View Post
My sig file statement is concerned with nothing more than accuracy in description--that poly is different from open and swinging--and nothing more.

Anybody who infers anything different is bringing his or her own bias into the reading.
I think the key part of the sig is just fucking around ... i.e. if casual sex is the only form of non-monogamy that you're practicing, then that's not poly. But that doesn't mean poly people can't also have casual sex, in addition to multiple loving relationships. By analogy, an olympic cyclist can also go swimming, and even though swimming isn't cycling, it doesn't mean the athlete isn't a cyclist. But if all the athlete does is swim, then she's not a cyclist.
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Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 06-06-2010 at 07:39 AM.
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