So... Here's our story-
We're a poly married couple (M/F). We both knew for many years that monogamy was, at the very least, not very important to us.
Lyn (not our real names, btw- so unfortunate to have use a pseudonym- we wish, I'm sure like many here, we could just be out, and ourselves, without worry of judgment and reprisal from the puritanical world we live in) was in a non-monogamist relationship before with her previous husband, but, before she was with me, he had been the only one to actually have other partners. I had a few previous group sex experiences with lovers and friends, so the idea of non-monogamy was not so foreign to me either. However, when Lyn and I met (Lyn was still married to her 1st husband) and our relationship grew, her 1st husband was not OK with what was happening. He did not have a problem with us having sex- he did have a problem with us falling in love. Non-monogamy was OK with him- polyamory was not.
She broke it off with me because of this. Her loyalty was to her marriage first and she didn't want to lose that. This was about 10 years ago, and both our hearts were broken- it was a loss as deep as I have ever felt.
She couldn't bear it either. She loved us both and tried to stay away from me, but couldn't. He gave her the ultimatum- the death knell of relationships, and she left him to be with me.
It was a intense time... We were very happy to be together, but the loss of her marriage was very painful too.
She is, by her nature, very polyamorous- she has a profound capacity for romantic love. I suppose it's even misleading to say she's bisexual- she simply loves who she loves. And I'm lucky to be with her...
But because of the difficult start to our relationship, we were gun-shy. It was several years before we opened up our relationship to the idea of pursuing other partners. We started with the swinger community. We knew we were more poly than swinger, but swingers have been at it a long time and have a much better infrastructure for meeting like-minded people than the polyamorous. (I hope that that is slowly changing- I suppose building that infrastructure is part of what is going on here.)
We had a few hook-ups, but, for the most part, nothing more than just sex, until we met this one couple. It was clear that we had a connection. We became lovers. We had fantastic group sex together. We never really split apart or "swapped"- we all just shared the same bed. Both the men had sex with both the women and the women had sex together. The men are both pretty straight, so they never actually had sex, but did share affection. And for the next 6 months or so, we built a 4-way relationship, but then something happened- they sort of just disappeared and stopped returning our phone calls. We're not really sure what happened, but I think they became scared of really loving us and were worried about what that might mean for their relationship.
That was about 3 years ago.
Here's what we've learned- We are polyamorous and we really like group sex. We would like to have lovers share our bed and our lives with us. We have decided not to look for swingers and hope that they will become poly. We want to find a network of poly people where we can be free to be ourselves, make friends and possibly find lovers.
Thanks for listening...