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Old 06-05-2010, 09:45 PM
jkelly jkelly is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 168

I think that Pepper's Nonmonogamy for Men/ essay is very good, and might give you a few ideas.

Originally Posted by EL314 View Post
You asked "Have you been socializing"... That sounds like a good idea; I should try to attend more social gatherings.
Red Pepper's advice is really good; the more socialising you do, the better.

One impression that came to me when reading your posts is that you're very clear on the type of relationship you're looking for. I've met very few people who are interested in a secondary relationship as a general concept. Nevertheless, people keep getting into them because they're interested in a relationship with a particular person, and that person happens to have other commitments.

I'm not saying that nobody out there at all is hunting for a secondary relationship, I'm just saying that you may be putting the cart before the horse. Rather than look specifically for relationships that fit your life, just look for people who you relate to. If romantic feelings develop, some of those people will want to date you, not necessarily because they wanted to have a secondary relationship with a married man, but because they want to date you! I have absolutely no idea how this could possibly work on internet dating sites, but that is how I typically see secondary relationships form.

As a side note, having a no-Pagan rule is definitely going to limit your partners in a lot of poly- communities. You might consider being more flexible when it comes to a relationship that, after all, is not going to be your main source of love and companionship. Obviously, dating someone whose worldview you have no respect for would be terrible, but you might find that you can be compatible with more people than you thought when the pressure on the relationship is low due to other commitments.
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