Originally Posted by redpepper
I too said similar things to boyfriends that I am my own person and can do what I like. I hurt some of them terribly with that in that I didn't explain it and blew them off as controlling (not to say you are) and manipulative. I was really loved by several men and women and I chose sexual exploration over them. I'm sad about that on one hand but also needed that at the time. I wish I had been kinder though (I chose being abrasive and aggression in my attitude) and not lead them to believe that I loved them in the sense of what "they" needed. I put my version of love on them and should of seen that and let them go. Let them go and find someone who could love them as they needed.
This is the gf of the OP again. I'm curious about this, because I've had a lot of discussion over respecting other people's feelings about my actions. Where is the line between respecting and simply giving in? See, I grew up with poly, and I honestly see sex as ....... a way of communicating or communing with someone, like a hug. It can certainly be much more intimate and real, but it can also be just a very enjoyable different kind of hug. How do I respect the fact that other people see it differently? How do I respect their boundaries without feeling caged in?
This wasn't such a big deal with my last boyfriend, but since then I have developed some casually sexual relationships -- with my ex, with my roommate and her boyfriend, with my Boston crowd. Sex is an important part of how I relate to them. (And there are probably some deeper psychological reasons for that, but regardless I don't think it's completely unhealthy.) So if I'm in a more serious relationship with someone who's bothered by that .... it feels like there's no right answer. What do you think?