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Old 06-05-2010, 01:50 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,718

Originally Posted by catbird View Post
Yes, Moderator, I will read here as you suggest.
mmmmmm MM I love an obedient man... you made my knees buckle there for a sec... maybe you need a mistress? instead of being a daddy?

Originally Posted by catbird View Post
I know my wife, and am trying to be as generous about her as I can, but I've been upfront with her before, to no effect. Now recently she has suspected that I'm searching for another woman, and it has woken her right up. She is doing the best she can to be more affectionate but reaches a barrier. I don't know how many here are familiar with the women's movement? Darla is this state's treasurer of N.O.W. Was active and vocal for women's rights 40 years ago, marched and shouted for years and years, continues active now.

She sees most of women's problems coming from men. That may or may not be, but she finds it very hard to truly love a man, however much she's motivated. I'm not sure either she or I can win here, no matter if we so want it to work.

I don't know if you nice folks will believe me. I didn't want to go to even these extremes.
My mother was a women's rights activist in Toronto where I started my life. My childhood was filled with rally's, meetings, bra-less women and my mum talking about lesbians hitting on her. A whole lot of smoking I remember too, back in the day when people actually smoked in small rooms with children playing at their feet. Not so common now. I remember some women complaining that we were there, but that was always short lived as my mum was always quick to put them in their place. After all, they were women and motherhood is a huge part of that for quite a few women.

She also equates much of her hardship in life to what men have done to make it difficult for women. Sometimes I think it's hypocritical bullshit. SHE created a lot of it and creates just as much for others.

She pushed my dad the most with her ideals ... and this is where I am triggered by your post. He bore the brunt of her anger and resentment towards men. I think a lot of men did from that generation. I hope it isn't so much the case now, but she still puts the whole, "I am a woman and therefore don't have as much rights as you" thing over his head. She claims he still doesn't get that, but all I see is a way to make him feel defenseless in his argument.

Recently she had a big blow out and claimed that she hasn't loved him in years and that she only stayed because of us kids and for his money. He chose to ignore it and chalked it up to what he has always heard... very sad. I was livid, she has no reason to stay for us and hasn't since I was 16 when I left home... it's bullshit. It's bullshit what she created from man hating as a younger woman... there is no equality in it at all. All I see is the same kind of imbalance.

On that note I have not considered before that this might be a psychological issue. Has your wife talked with anyone about how she has had trouble loving? Perhaps if you were both to go to see someone about it, it might bring you closer together? If a primary relationship is not strong before bringing in new lovers it can cause the primary relationship to burst apart. There is nothing like poly to bring up issues that are easy to keep under wraps when there is just two. It might be in your best interest to work on the two of you first.
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