I just want a relationship where I love someone who loves me and I feel secure, like I belong, like I really matter and am special. I need a relationship where we can learn from each other and grow and experience new things together.
All this is
possible in a poly setting. Some people get all this from their primary partner, and also from their other partners. But it takes two things.
1. Your other partner(s) should be able to give you the unique love that lets you know that you are special to them.
2. You should be able to perceive and accept that you are
special and irreplaceable to them even though they may have other loves as well.
These two things, their ability to give and your ability to receive, are not easy or automatic.
But really, a monogamous relationship in which the sense of loving uniqueness exists only
because the partners are sexually exclusive is probably not very strong either, IMHO. I know monogamous men who complain constantly
about their wives. My sense is that they're not cherishing their wives in the way that makes them feel uniquely loved even though they're sexually exclusive.
So I suppose it comes down to the right love and a lot of relationship work, no matter whether its mono or poly.