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Old 06-04-2010, 04:42 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Originally Posted by EL314 View Post

I have found some women who sound like good matches based on their online profiles. The difficulty then is convincing them to meet me. Most don't reply to my initial "hello" message; those who do reply usually decline further contact due to discomfort with my poly situation. There are a few who also identify as poly who are interested in continuing discussion... unfortunately, they have not been interested in meeting either; they are already comfortable with their arrangements. There was one who sounded interested in meeting; she would actually call and message me (almost daily) for a little over two months, but kept putting off any meeting until she felt a "little more comfortable". She finally declined to meet when I pressed.
This isn't a you problem. This is being a guy problem. And you blame her. If she is meeting her men online mostly, she will want to be very comfortable before meeting. You just don't know, regardless of conversation, what the person on the other end will be like (heck you could be a girl). Pressing the issue will only increase the chance of it not happening. You might need more patience here.

as a husband, with a wife who is beginning her own journey, I would be very protective of her meeting someone online...I have been doing this internet thing longer than it has been called the internet. I am very cynical towards online meets generally.

Ironically, I have made/and am making some fantastic friends online. But YOU have to let things happen naturally. ...Rushing or pushing is not the way to do it.

You asked "Have you been socializing"... That sounds like a good idea; I should try to attend more social gatherings. I've been approaching things mostly over the internet since there are so many dating sites; probably been neglecting the "old fashioned" way of meeting people face-to-face in a social setting. Summer is coming up; there will probably be lots of events and venues... I'll look into it!
You are a lot more likely to impress in take on the online thing is simply how easy it is to

flirt unabashedly...
become sexual with tonnes of safey (amazing how penis's aren't 5000km long)

people can come across as pushy
people can easily be fake
In person the creep factor can possible go away
physical flirting becomes key (brush of the hair, touch of the leg etc) in person, which is also more fun

...good luck and keep trying, try some meetups in your area.
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